Archive | August, 2007

The Gettysburg 5-paragraph Essay

3 Aug

Lincoln retouchedThere were only five known drafts of the Gettysburg Address until the recently discovered power-point version. Here now is the long lost 5-paragraph essay version:

The United States is an equality nation formed eighty-seven years ago. WOOSH! BANG! KAPOW! Now we’re fighting over it on this battlefield. I think we should make some part of this field a memorial graveyard.

First, it is a good idea to do this.

Second, we can’t do this. Because we suck compared to the guys who died here.

Lastly, no one cares what we say, but we should do this anyway.

In conclusion, I think we should make some part of this field a memorial graveyard, because otherwise the guys who died here died for nothing. If we just keep at it, we’ll get to keep Iraq Pennsylvania.